So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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