Dignity is for republicans.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
