I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the day after is always just damage control
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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