it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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