I wish i was in the wii world.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
