Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
