she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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