so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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