ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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