I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize