I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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