If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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