You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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