Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
