I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
