I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
