Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
