do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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