How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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