I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
