You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
