well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
