Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
