so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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