yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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