Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
