Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
