there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
