Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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