last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
