My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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