Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
