all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
