I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
