Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
