Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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