I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
