Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
