Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i came on her dog
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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