you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
