We're facebook friends in real life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
