I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
