So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you traded sex for a burrito?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
