There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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