rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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