final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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