omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
