Me too!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
