Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
