hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
