Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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