I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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