You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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