It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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