I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
