Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm always down for nudity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
