yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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