How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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