my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
