I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm passing your future prison.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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