She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
