Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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