"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
