Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
