So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
