I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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