Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
