Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dick very happy bro
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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