i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
