i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
