I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
