Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
