every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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