i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
