I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize