I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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