Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize