she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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