don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
