Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
