Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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