I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
