i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
