When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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