He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
