i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
