Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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