He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
