You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize