Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
