I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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