the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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